I'll Follow You Into the Dark

I'm alone on a Friday night.....I'm not even a month into the 27th year and I'm home alone. And since I'm on this effing diet I can't even order a pizza.

But since I'm missing my boyfriend in the worst way (he's in Italy, somewhere I'll soon be too, with him, in a little over a week), I decided to indulge my inner 14 year-old and sit next to candles and listen to sad sad crybaby music.

I don't have any though.....

Where is the revolving collection of broken hearted sentimental sappy ballads I used to always have on hand, just in case?

My college roommate texted me the other day to tell me she'd heard Sarah Mclachlan was releasing her first cd since the one I'd played in our dorm room, over and over. I laughed and told her I still liked me some Sarah now and again, but really "I'm just not that depressed anymore."

Is it true? Am I really this happy?

Sure, I hate my job, I need to lose 900 more pounds, and I'm home alone on a warm summer night in July. And yes, a recent speeding ticket (I swear, I was going 70)has me scheduling my next traffic court date, but I'm legitimately happy.

I'm sure 80% of that is because of Dru. I never really dreamt of my "perfect man" like some girls did, but if I had....he would be a lot like Dru. Things that make my boyfriend perfect for me: He hates baseball but will claim allegiance to the Padres or Red Sox if he's asked. When I break out into random song, Dru sings the harmony. He sees the value of the perfect grilled cheese, and even makes me the delicious sandwich every once in a while. He's got red hair that I love and hates holding hands while walking like I do. And of course, my head fits perfectly into the crook of his neck. So yes, he makes me happy happy happy.

Then there's the other 20%, which may just be the happiness of growing up. You realize the world doesn't revolve around you, and you're wise enough that that makes you breathe a sigh of relief. You learn to not just love your parents but really respect them, and you rarely get parking tickets (though Los Angeles will make sure you get at least one, once in a while). Your friends aren't your life, but give rich, meaningful color to your days. You get excited about buying cookware, and you can finally give "knowing smiles" because now you get the secret.

So even though I feel kinda silly that I've been in my jammies since 7:30 PM, I'm kinda okay with it and looking forward to bed by 10.